In a revelation that’s sure to draw both cheers and jeers from the gaming community, Ohio Senator and potential Trump running mate JD Vance has admitted to a past filled with mana, monsters, and magical mayhem. That’s right, folks – before he was debating policy on Capitol Hill, Vance was tapping lands and summoning creatures as a devoted Magic: The Gathering player.
The Spell is Broken
But alas, like many a young wizard before him, Vance found that the path of the planeswalker was a lonely one, especially when it came to matters of the heart. In a candid interview with Semafor, Vance spilled the beans on why he eventually hung up his deck box:
“The big problem with transitioning from being a 13-year-old who likes Magic: The Gathering to being a 15-year-old who likes Magic: The Gathering is that 15-year-old girls do not like Magic: The Gathering,” the freshman Ohio senator told Semafor. “So I dropped it like a bad habit.”
Oh, the sacrifices we make for love! It seems even future senators aren’t immune to the siren call of teenage romance.
Yawgmoth’s Bargain: A Senator’s Secret Shame
When pressed about his favorite card, Vance sheepishly admitted to a penchant for Yawgmoth’s Bargain. For those not versed in the arcane arts of MTG, this enchantment allows you to skip your draw step and pay one life to draw a card. The card’s ominous artwork features a clawed metal hand beckoning for sacrifices, with a necromantic monstrosity lurking in the shadows. The flavor text warns: “He craves only one commodity.”
One can’t help but wonder if this early fascination with political bargaining foreshadowed Vance’s future career in the Senate. Let’s just hope he’s not paying with life points for his legislative draws these days or running his political career like the card dictates!
Twitter Reacts: From Mana to Mania
As news of Vance’s magical past spread, Twitter erupted with a mix of amusement and nostalgia.
@MTGPro1337 tweeted: “JD Vance played Yawgmoth’s Bargain? Respect level +1. That card is broken AF. #MTGPolitics”
Even some MTG pros chimed in. Hall of Famer @LSV quipped: “I always knew there was something familiar about Senate negotiations. It’s just like resolving a stack!”
Politicians: They’re Geeks Like Us
Believe it or not, Vance isn’t the only politician with a history of tapping mana and casting spells. Rumor has it that:
- Bernie Sanders once ran a mean Goblin deck (free healthcare for all goblins!)
- Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was spotted at a Commander night (her deck? Green New Deal, of course)
- Mitch McConnell is suspiciously good at playing blue control (shocking, we know)
While we can’t confirm these tantalizing tidbits, it’s clear that the halls of power might have more in common with your local game store than you’d think.
From Friday Night Magic to Friday Night Lights
So there you have it, folks. JD Vance may have traded his spell-slinging days for political maneuvering, but his story reminds us that everyone has a geeky side – even those vying for the second-highest office in the land.
Who knows? Maybe if Vance makes it to the White House, we’ll see the first-ever State of the Union address delivered in the form of a Magic: The Gathering tournament. Now that would be a game changer!
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